I'm thinking it's a good thing I didn't commit to daily writings during Lent.  All of a sudden Easter is a week away, and my evenings spent not watching tv were filled with other activities.  I suppose that was sort of the point, but the activities I meant to pursue were instead waylaid by other projects and obligations, and now all of a sudden my time to reflect and prepare for Easter is nearly gone.  Time is a funny thing, an elusive vapor that is forever slipping out of my grasp.

Now I wonder how I will spend my time after Easter is over.  I know how I would typically answer that question.  But then I remember that I'm married (happy six-months to us!) and my decisions are no longer just my own.  We're discovering that our hobbies and interests are not as much the same as we once thought, and that makes finding an answer to my question even more challenging.  I know we have both been weighing these questions of why we do what we do, what eternal value to they possess, and whether or not these things even matter enough to deserve our attention at all.  And then there's the long list of things we know should have priority, yet somehow those are the things that never get done.  Life has a strange tension to it, a balance that, not unlike time, seems to always sit just beyond my grasp.  And before I know it, years have passed and I find myself looking around at my current surroundings, wondering two things:  How in the world did I get here, and...now what?

Ah, life.  My current literal surroundings are a table full of baby plants that need to go in the ground while they instead chase the sun from this side of the window.  Except there's no sun because the temperature has plummeted and instead of the 90-degree heat we had yesterday, now we are waiting for snow.  These poor little guys are not looking nearly as happy as they did in their little greenhouse home, and I hope I can keep them alive for another week until the danger of freezing is past.  But even if it was warm enough, I'm not sure I'd know where to plant them because our yard is torn up and waiting for us to finish this landscaping project that I initially thought would take two hours, not two months.

But, next few days aside, spring is here and the sun is shining again and I am happy and content to be outside again.  A lot is happening, and it's an exciting season of life.  God is good.  All the time.

For many years I've pondered this verse and wondered why I've never seen it fulfilled:  "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing.  He will do even greater things than these..." (Jn 14:12).  Jesus is telling His disciples that anyone can do the same miracles He did.  Not just those miracles, but even greater things!

So...what's the hang up?  Why don't Christians get these results?  Where are all the miracles Jesus has promised?  I know some will explain it away by saying this applied only to the disciples, or things don't work that way anymore, or this or that or some other reason.  But that's not good enough for me.  Because those reasons only raise more questions.  Hebrews 13:8 says "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  Jesus hasn't changed, not in identity nor in the way He does things.  Instead, I think it's we who have changed, who try to adapt Jesus to fit our lifestyle rather than changing our lifestyle to look like Jesus.

Here is what I know to be true.  Jesus said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me" (Mt 28:18).  Search the word "authority" in the New Testament sometime and see what happens.  The number of times it appears is a little overwhelming.  Jesus didn't keep this authority to Himself, but on two occasions delegated it to His followers.  First He sent out the Twelve with "power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and...to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick" (Lk 9:1-2, emphasis mine).  After that Jesus sent out seventy-two with similar orders in Luke 10.

I also know this to be true:  I am a child of God by the blood of Christ.  Not just a child, but an "heir - heir of God and co-heir with Christ" (Rom. 8:17).  Not only that, but Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to live in me, "the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead" (Rom. 8:11).  The Spirit who raised the Lamb of the God of the universe from the dead freakin' lives in me!  On my own I have no power.  But I have the authority to exercise the very power of God.  Not only me, but every believer in Christ has this authority!

So I go back to my original question:  What's the hang up?  I think most believers in our culture have been blinded by the enemy to this knowledge.  And it's easy to skim past the parts of Scripture that don't make sense, the ones that raise hard questions that fly in the face of traditionalism.  But I don't want to do that anymore.  God is working with me on some of these issues and questions, and I'm learning and growing and practicing stepping out in faith so He can grow me even more.  Because I truly believe there is so much more to our faith walks than we even know.  God is all-powerful, and I don't want to miss out on whatever He has to offer me.

Matt and I recently embarked on a new get-healthy journey.  So far it seems to be going well and I'm really quite enjoying it.  I've been on many lose-weight journeys in my life, and this one is proving to be different in several ways.  In the past, I've used every ounce of sheer will-power I could muster to count calories and eat healthy and exercise.  And so far I've had a 100% failure rate.  Don't get me wrong, I usually saw the results I wanted, at least for a time.  But sheer will-power stretches only so thin before it snaps and all is undone.

I can't commit yet for sure to say this will be the one success that will last for my lifetime.  However, a few things are different this time around.  Most notably, I didn't change anything about my diet or exercise.  Instead, I started taking supplements, vitamins, and other good-for-me things consistently.  And having these good-for-me things in my body is changing me.  My cravings are different, my tastes are changing, and it's easy and natural to make healthy decisions.  It's exciting, to say the least.

This morning Psalm 37:4 caught my attention:  "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."  And the truth of these words clicked into place just a little more.  Because as I fill my life with the spiritual good-for-me things, my desires will change.  My appetite will transform from the things of this world to the things of my God.  And as my desire for Him increases, so will my delight in Him.  As I delight in Him I will desire the things He desires, and I will ask for them and He will give them to me.  It begins a cycle that draws me closer to His heart, and that is the place I want to be more than anywhere else.

"Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him."

Psalm 37:4-7

This week held a few twists and turns I didn't see coming, and quite frankly, I would much rather have done without those surprises.  It's landed me in a place of confusion and pain, and I think the hardest part about it is I can't really do much of anything to make it better.  I've been reminded of the power words can wield and it's caused me to pause from my Lenten writings long enough to re-evaluate why I'm doing this in the first place.  And as I weed through all the thoughts and questions and doubts, I come back to my baseline of this:  God is leading me on an incredible journey of spiritual growth right now, and for this season of Lent I've committed to more time in prayer and the Word while He is working in my heart.

I've wondered this week if it's worth the price tag I didn't see attached when I committed.  It's costing me more than I ever bargained, and had I seen that coming I probably wouldn't have done it.  It's too late to undo anything, but what I don't see yet is how it all works out in the end.  There is beauty in the pain, and right now that looks like desperate hope and faith clinging with both arms around the neck of my Savior.  He is good, and His ways are good, and I have no choice but to trust Him through this.  Without Him there is no hope and all is lost.  But I am refusing to believe that, maybe if for no other reason than the alternative feels too much to bear.  

There is a prayer I've been praying with a certain end result in mind.  It's another thing I'm trusting God for, but what I didn't expect was the process He might use to get to that end.  I cannot survive this process without these truths:  my hope is in Him alone, His word will not return to Him empty but will accomplish what He desires, and when the process is complete I will find that I would not trade a single tear or ounce of pain for my joy that will be made complete in Him.  It is these times in the valley that strengthen and build, refine and purify to bring forth a harvest of my own soul.  The days ahead are scary and I don't know what they hold, but I know my God and He holds me.  That will be enough.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,

and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,

and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you,

my faithful love promised to David....

Seek the LORD while he may be found;

call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts.

Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,

and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,'

declares the LORD.

'As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways 

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and snow come down from heaven, 

and do not return to it without watering the earth...

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty, 

but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace..."

Isaiah 55

I had a conversation via text tonight with a dear friend of mine who lives too far away.  She shared with me how she was recently able to share the gospel with a woman whom God had placed on her heart.  I then told her about a new friend of mine whom God has placed on my heart and the ministry I've been able to have with her.  And I realized how incredibly amazing it is that God is using each of us in this way.  My friend and I could have just as easily not had these stories to share, because it's all too convenient to tune out that still small voice of conviction and stick to what's comfortable.

My friend said she got nervous when she started sharing about Jesus.  I remember shaky hands and voice when I first reached out to my new friend.  It would have been easier to stay quiet.  Safer to say nothing at all.  But how very glad we are that we didn't!

These two women in our lives, they welcomed our words, our friendships.  We are relieved...and blessed.  Oh so blessed!  Obedience and blind faith reap reward on so many levels.  I now have a new friend I didn't have a few months ago, and each time we meet together my heart overflows with encouragement.  I am beyond grateful for her hunger for the Lord and filled with joy that He is allowing me to disciple her.  This journey is exciting and rewarding.  And I would have sorely missed out had I kept my mouth shut when I felt the Spirit's prompting.

This same friend I talked with tonight, we started out in a similar way a few years ago.  I stepped out in faith and asked if she would allow me to disciple her.  That relationship has grown and thrived in ways I never saw coming.  My life is richer because of it.  The same is true with my new friend, and I can't wait to see where God takes it from here.  And I realize how much I don't want to miss future opportunities from Him.  This will be my prayer:  Lord, cast off all fear and resistance that comes with stepping out in faith and obedience.  Open my ears to hear Your voice and grant me an eagerness to act on what You say.  Spirit, fill me with courage and confidence, and may all these things overshadow the weakness of my fallen flesh.