Visible Faith

My faith and emotions collided yesterday.

Lately, I feel these things:  lonely, unhappy, discontent, empty, indifferent, unwanted.  I simply exist, one day at a time, hoping only to make it to the weekend to have a break from five days of doing things I don't enjoy.

My faith says this:  God is in control.  He has a purpose, a plan, and not to harm me.  He has a hope and a future for me, and He has a reason for bringing me to this place.  There is meaning to what I do each day, even the mundane and disgusting chores no one else notices, because these things - when performed with a heart of service - bring Him pleasure.  He will never leave me nor forsake me, and the things He is doing in my life are painting a picture more grand than I can fathom.

As these two collided head-on, I realized I own the title of  "hypocrite".

If that is my faith...why don't I live like it?

They still battle it out, these emotions and this faith.  But for the moment, I think my faith is winning.

Here

It's been a few weeks since I've posted, the longest I've gone without writing since this blog was conceived a year ago.  I've wanted to write, but like everything else lately, it just hasn't been there.

I'd like to come back with a post full of life and energy, of quality thoughts and wisdom.  But instead, I come feeling only a little lost, and with a weariness that runs bone-deep.

Life is a marathon race these days, and if I don't keep up I'm going to get trampled.  I desire time to rest, time to kick back and relax, to take in and enjoy these long summer days that stay lit late into the night.  But I've barely recognized it's summer.  I certainly didn't notice when springtime came and went.  My mind is months behind the calendar, but time waits for no one.  And now the days are getting shorter, and I fear I will miss summer altogther.

Gone are the days of sleeping in, of sitting in the hot summer sun, of lazing around and playing outside until the fireflies light up the dark.  That season is past, one I don't think I will ever be able to recapture.

These are days of rising before the sun, running hard all day long, and collapsing in bed before the neighborhood children are even called inside for the night, before the sun has slipped past the horizon.

I had a Mission once.  Not that long ago.  It's still there, somewhere.  But these days I can't see it, can't remember what it looks or feels like.  The fire that once moved me now seems like nothing more than burnt coals, cool and gray and ashy.

I want more time to slow down and enjoy.  I want to give less time to work and driving.  I don't like things right now, but I have no dreams or vision for something better.  Right now, I simply exist.

I think I asked for this.  Times were bad, and then times were good, and that's when I forgot to depend on Him for my strength.  I liked the good, but I missed my fellowship with Him.  And I told Him that.  I said I'd rather have Him than good times without.

And here I am.  Prayer answered?  I think probably.

Love146: Tread on Trafficking

This is a repost from a few weeks ago.  Tread on Trafficking is still going strong through the end of this month, and I am still logging my miles!  Please consider making a donation to this cause.  There is a link to the Love146 website and my personal page toward the end of this post.

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This is a battle that is bigger than I am.

In fact, it's a battle so large that I can't see how it will ever be won.

But, as Jennifer likes to say, things happen like this:  one + one + one + one.  And while this is a battle that may never be won in this lifetime, I believe from my toes that to rescue even one life will impact all of eternity.

Last month I wrote about RestoreNYC, an organization in New York City who is working hard to rescue and restore women caught in the grip of human trafficking and sexual expoitation.  (To read more about them and some facts about human trafficking, click here.)

This weekend, I stumbled across Jenni's efforts to fight human trafficking, and I have decided to join her.  Love146 is another organization that is working tirelessly to rescue children from modern-day slavery. 



They are currently hosting Tread on Trafficking through the months of May and June to help raise support for their efforts.  As a participant, I will be keeping track of all the miles I run and walk while raising money and awareness to help Love146 fight to free children from human trafficking.  If you'd like to donate, visit my site.  Or, if you'd also like to participate, you can register here.

I've added a mile tracker to the sidebar of my blog page so you can see the miles I log over the next several weeks.



One + one + one + one...

Babies In My Backyard

I've decided baby birds grow faster than anything else on the planet.  (Except for weeds.  And my lawn.  And my piles of clutter.)

I was out in my back yard last weekend and heard what sounded like a dog chewing on a squeaky toy.  After some investigation, I found these (please excuse the poor photo quality):

Four ugly baby birds

Four baby bird throats, hoping for some recycled worms from mommy

Two days later, I took these pictures:

Still asking for food, but looking (slightly) less alien

Almost cute

Two more days later, I videoed them while they tried to outstretch each other in their quest for food:

Now, exactly one week later, they can finally see who's making the noises around their nest and won't squawk and stretch for me anymore.  They also won't pose for the camera.  I can see two beaks and an eyeball in the middle of a feather pile: