God, please help me make good decisions today.

It's been a frequent prayer this week, because I'm back on the path to seeking weight loss and exercise.  A year ago, this path seemed easy to walk.  Now I'm returning and finding it broken and overgrown (words that also seem to describe me lately).  I don't understand why it's so much harder to make good choices now.  All I know is, despite my prayers, I can't seem to succeed.

This frustrates me greatly.  And as I look at it, I can see that this path shares ground with other journeys.  My quest to make new friends in a new place feels to be repeatedly failing.  My list of projects overwhelms me at times, so I cope by doing nothing.  My attempts at growing my faith are feeble at best and take me nowhere.  Spiritual disciplines I desire remain nothing more than desires for my lack of action.

Each of these "failures" weighs me down, and the lies creep in and take root.  (Maybe this is the source of the overgrown weeds that blocks my path.)  Each of these seem so very different from one another, yet it is the root of my sense of failure that ties them all together.  I can't help but think maybe if I could figure out the root, I could get all of the areas licked.

I think the root is my source of identity.  I desire value from appearance, size, friends, accomplishments, even my spirituality.  My sense of value isn't coming from the true Source.

But I hate that because it's cliche.  Every problem can be spiritualized and thus solved with a simple spiritual answer. Take care of it.  Move on.

So why isn't it that easy?  When I say to God, I need you to be my Source and Sustainer, why doesn't that solve all my problems?  When I ask for strength to make good choices for today, why do I continue to lose ground on my diet?  What is wrong with me that I can't get it figured out?

It's a daily battle.  I'm supposed to fail when I do it on my own.  My failures drive me to God.

Yes, but again, cliche.  I want something that works, something solid and tangible.  No more of this vapory-mist of ideas and concepts that slip through my fingers.

I know what the right answers are supposed to be.  I know what moving forward is supposed to look like.  Yet somehow, I remain stuck, watching the solutions swirl about me in a hazy dance.  And I can't help but return to wondering what is wrong with me.