God, please help me make good decisions today.
It's been a frequent prayer this week, because I'm back on the path to seeking weight loss and exercise. A year ago, this path seemed easy to walk. Now I'm returning and finding it broken and overgrown (words that also seem to describe me lately). I don't understand why it's so much harder to make good choices now. All I know is, despite my prayers, I can't seem to succeed.
This frustrates me greatly. And as I look at it, I can see that this path shares ground with other journeys. My quest to make new friends in a new place feels to be repeatedly failing. My list of projects overwhelms me at times, so I cope by doing nothing. My attempts at growing my faith are feeble at best and take me nowhere. Spiritual disciplines I desire remain nothing more than desires for my lack of action.
Each of these "failures" weighs me down, and the lies creep in and take root. (Maybe this is the source of the overgrown weeds that blocks my path.) Each of these seem so very different from one another, yet it is the root of my sense of failure that ties them all together. I can't help but think maybe if I could figure out the root, I could get all of the areas licked.
I think the root is my source of identity. I desire value from appearance, size, friends, accomplishments, even my spirituality. My sense of value isn't coming from the true Source.
But I hate that because it's cliche. Every problem can be spiritualized and thus solved with a simple spiritual answer. Take care of it. Move on.
So why isn't it that easy? When I say to God, I need you to be my Source and Sustainer, why doesn't that solve all my problems? When I ask for strength to make good choices for today, why do I continue to lose ground on my diet? What is wrong with me that I can't get it figured out?
It's a daily battle. I'm supposed to fail when I do it on my own. My failures drive me to God.
Yes, but again, cliche. I want something that works, something solid and tangible. No more of this vapory-mist of ideas and concepts that slip through my fingers.
I know what the right answers are supposed to be. I know what moving forward is supposed to look like. Yet somehow, I remain stuck, watching the solutions swirl about me in a hazy dance. And I can't help but return to wondering what is wrong with me.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Waiting
Mary did you know...
The more I hear this song, the more I like it. As the lyrics played again last night, it struck me that Mary had to wait thirty whole years before she saw God finish the work He started.
...that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
There was a lot of excitement surrounding the angel's first appearance to Mary, and then again at the birth of her baby. But then...nothing. Life as usual.
The Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.
What did Mary think as the years went by, as she and Joseph eeked out a living to feed and clothe their family? What went through her mind as she taught her Spirit-conceived baby to walk and feed himself, just like any other baby conceived by man?
When you kiss your little Baby, you kissed the face of God...
What sort of future did Mary see for her boy as she watched her husband's skilled carpenter hands teach the family's livelihood to a set of awkward teenage hands? Did she wonder about his future of public speaking as he taught his circle of peers in the dusty streets? Or did he prefer the quiet and lonely comfort offered by wood, a hammer, and nails?
Mary did you know...
When her son became a man and joined the ranks of humble carpentry, did she start to question the events surrounding his birth? Did she wonder if she heard wrong, believed wrong, misunderstood? Did she start to question God and His plan? Did she start to give up on hope for the miraculous and settle for ordinary instead?
...that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Or did Mary hold God to His promises? For thirty uneventful years, did Mary trust God and believe unwaveringly that He would come through? Did she pray "May it be as You have said" just as fervently in the third decade as she had when the angel first appeared?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I Am.
The more I hear this song, the more I like it. As the lyrics played again last night, it struck me that Mary had to wait thirty whole years before she saw God finish the work He started.
...that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
There was a lot of excitement surrounding the angel's first appearance to Mary, and then again at the birth of her baby. But then...nothing. Life as usual.
The Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.
What did Mary think as the years went by, as she and Joseph eeked out a living to feed and clothe their family? What went through her mind as she taught her Spirit-conceived baby to walk and feed himself, just like any other baby conceived by man?
When you kiss your little Baby, you kissed the face of God...
What sort of future did Mary see for her boy as she watched her husband's skilled carpenter hands teach the family's livelihood to a set of awkward teenage hands? Did she wonder about his future of public speaking as he taught his circle of peers in the dusty streets? Or did he prefer the quiet and lonely comfort offered by wood, a hammer, and nails?
Mary did you know...
When her son became a man and joined the ranks of humble carpentry, did she start to question the events surrounding his birth? Did she wonder if she heard wrong, believed wrong, misunderstood? Did she start to question God and His plan? Did she start to give up on hope for the miraculous and settle for ordinary instead?
...that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Or did Mary hold God to His promises? For thirty uneventful years, did Mary trust God and believe unwaveringly that He would come through? Did she pray "May it be as You have said" just as fervently in the third decade as she had when the angel first appeared?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I Am.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Homesickness finally hit me this week for the first time since I moved over three months ago. I'm finally slowing down long enough to start processing my new life. At the same time, five hundred miles from me, precious hearts are being broken, and I am too far to be close.
My friend and I have been chatting this week, and there is a steady pattern to our conversation.
Sam made it home.
She made it home for Christmas.
One by one, saints whose lives I only know from a distance are going home. One in high school, another in a nursing home. As I type, I am waiting to hear from another friend who is spending her December sitting bedside in a hospital, waiting for her mother to make it home with the others.
What a homecoming it must be.
Not that long ago, I walked this same path that these friends now tread. I remember the night my dad made it home. I can't help but wonder if these friends are experiencing the same thoughts and emotions I did. Pain, yes. But more overwhelming than that was the peace. Peace that transcends all understanding, that guards our hearts and minds. Peace that makes the whole process somewhat bearable. And hope. Hope in knowing that this is not the end. Oh no. Definitely not the end. Merely the beginning.
I wonder if, instead of the shadow of death, my friends see their loved ones in the very presence of Christ. That is the thought that consumed me during that late-night drive home from the hospital. It was overwhelming and I couldn't think on it more than a few moments at a time, for it was too much. When we walked out of the hospital room for the last time, we left my dad's body laying in the bed, cold and silent and still. But he was not dead, and I knew that as tangibly as I knew the sky was black and the stars were shining over the dark county roads. I cried, not because my dad was dead, but because he was in the very presence of Jesus, and it was more than my heart could contain.
These saints, young and old, knew Jesus. They believed Him and knew Him and loved Him in this life. And because of their faith and His grace, they stand with Him now, more alive than ever.
I wonder if my friends are brought to their knees in the hope and peace and wonder of this beautiful mystery.
Sam.
Estrid.
Melvin.
They made it home.
My friend and I have been chatting this week, and there is a steady pattern to our conversation.
Sam made it home.
She made it home for Christmas.
One by one, saints whose lives I only know from a distance are going home. One in high school, another in a nursing home. As I type, I am waiting to hear from another friend who is spending her December sitting bedside in a hospital, waiting for her mother to make it home with the others.
What a homecoming it must be.
Not that long ago, I walked this same path that these friends now tread. I remember the night my dad made it home. I can't help but wonder if these friends are experiencing the same thoughts and emotions I did. Pain, yes. But more overwhelming than that was the peace. Peace that transcends all understanding, that guards our hearts and minds. Peace that makes the whole process somewhat bearable. And hope. Hope in knowing that this is not the end. Oh no. Definitely not the end. Merely the beginning.
I wonder if, instead of the shadow of death, my friends see their loved ones in the very presence of Christ. That is the thought that consumed me during that late-night drive home from the hospital. It was overwhelming and I couldn't think on it more than a few moments at a time, for it was too much. When we walked out of the hospital room for the last time, we left my dad's body laying in the bed, cold and silent and still. But he was not dead, and I knew that as tangibly as I knew the sky was black and the stars were shining over the dark county roads. I cried, not because my dad was dead, but because he was in the very presence of Jesus, and it was more than my heart could contain.
These saints, young and old, knew Jesus. They believed Him and knew Him and loved Him in this life. And because of their faith and His grace, they stand with Him now, more alive than ever.
I wonder if my friends are brought to their knees in the hope and peace and wonder of this beautiful mystery.
Sam.
Estrid.
Melvin.
They made it home.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Case Study: The Long-Term Effects of Kinesio Tape on Hallux Valgus - Week 2
(To read the first installment of this seat-gripping self-study, click here.)
Honestly, I haven't been expecting much in the way of results this early after starting my little experiment. So I was a little surprised with my first follow-up measurements. Let's review.
WEEK 0
Starting Measurements (11/21/11)
L MTP: 35 degrees valgus
R MTP: 30 degrees valgus
Measurements after Taping
L MTP: 15 degrees valgus
R MTP: 20 degrees valgus
WEEK 2
I've been keeping to a consistent wearing schedule of three days on, one day off. That means I've taped my toes four times since starting. I've been using the same taping pattern each time. After this fourth taping, I measured both immediately before and after I removed this fourth round of tape.
Measurements with tape on (12/7/11)
L MTP 21 degrees
R MTP 18 degrees
Measurements with tape off
L MTP 25 degrees
R MTP 22 degrees
After I'd had the tape off for a full 24 hours, I re-measured. Then I measured one more time with new tape on.
Measurements after 24 hours
L MTP 28 degrees
R MTP 28 degrees
Keep in mind that my original measurements were 35 and 30 degrees (respectively). My left toe valgus showed a 7 degree decrease, and my right a 2 degree decrease! Like I said at the top, I wasn't expecting to see any change this early.
Measurements with new tape applied
L MTP 24 degrees valgus
R MTP 20 degrees valgus
So, there you go. And by the way, I appreciate those of you who have voiced your interest in following along with these reports! (Granted, most of you are fellow therapists...) Knowing you're paying attention will help me carry through with this. Thank you!
Honestly, I haven't been expecting much in the way of results this early after starting my little experiment. So I was a little surprised with my first follow-up measurements. Let's review.
WEEK 0
 |
| Starting toes |
Starting Measurements (11/21/11)
L MTP: 35 degrees valgus
R MTP: 30 degrees valgus
Measurements after Taping
L MTP: 15 degrees valgus
R MTP: 20 degrees valgus
WEEK 2
I've been keeping to a consistent wearing schedule of three days on, one day off. That means I've taped my toes four times since starting. I've been using the same taping pattern each time. After this fourth taping, I measured both immediately before and after I removed this fourth round of tape.
Measurements with tape on (12/7/11)
L MTP 21 degrees
R MTP 18 degrees
Measurements with tape off
L MTP 25 degrees
R MTP 22 degrees
After I'd had the tape off for a full 24 hours, I re-measured. Then I measured one more time with new tape on.
Measurements after 24 hours
L MTP 28 degrees
R MTP 28 degrees
|
| My toes a full 24 hours after removing the 4th taping. |
Keep in mind that my original measurements were 35 and 30 degrees (respectively). My left toe valgus showed a 7 degree decrease, and my right a 2 degree decrease! Like I said at the top, I wasn't expecting to see any change this early.
Measurements with new tape applied
L MTP 24 degrees valgus
R MTP 20 degrees valgus
 |
| In NWB (non-weight bearing), the amount of correction from the tape is much more obvious! |
So, there you go. And by the way, I appreciate those of you who have voiced your interest in following along with these reports! (Granted, most of you are fellow therapists...) Knowing you're paying attention will help me carry through with this. Thank you!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Case Study: The Long-Term Effects of Kinesio Tape on Hallux Valgus - Week 0
This past weekend I took the final of three courses in Kinesio taping. A couple of weeks from now, I will hopefully have taken and passed the test for certification. (Which means I can add "CKTP" behind my name. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of excited about that.)
Over the course of the weekend, I decided to do a case study/experiment with the taping. I'm excited that the subject of my study is...me! (There's gonna be a great deal of excitement in this post...)
I have weird toes. They've been this way as long as I can remember. My big toes point outward instead of straight ahead. See?
The technical term for this is "hallux valgus," which I more commonly refer to as "crooked toes." I don't know if I inherited this trait, or if it's a combination of being a toe-walker and running around barefoot my whole life. (I can safely say it's certainly not from wearing too many tight pairs of high heels.) They don't really cause me any problems, except some occasional soreness after running longer distances. But I could eventually end up with painful bunions, which does not sound all that exciting to me.
Anyway, I'm going to see if Kinesio taping my toes for a length of time will correct and reverse the crookedness. The instructor of my course told about some women with this same condition who managed to change the bone structure of their toes after only two months of taping, which they evidenced by x-rays. I don't expect a complete correction of my toes, but I do wonder if I can permanently alter the valgus angle by a few degrees. Here comes the technical information:
11/21/11 - Starting Measurements
Left (L) metatarsophalangeal (MTP) joint: 35 degrees valgus
Right (R) metatarsophalangeal (MTP) joint: 30 degrees valgus
Taping Technique
Measurements After Taping
L MTP: 15 degrees valgus
R MTP: 20 degrees valgus
It just now dawned on me that this will be the most boring blog post some of you have ever read and that not everyone shares the same happiness over seeing my toes taped. I apologize. I'm posting anyway.
Anyway, if you happen to still be paying attention, you will have noticed that the tape decreased the valgus angle of both toes. Not enough to make them completely straight, but enough to make a significant difference in the joint alignment. I'm hoping that, over the course of a few months, my foot muscles will be retrained enough to hold my toes in a slightly better position and maybe even change the bone structure.
Enough geeking. I'll try to post an update every few weeks for your reading pleasure...or non-pleasure. Mostly it's just more fun to blog about it than to write up a boring research paper.
Over the course of the weekend, I decided to do a case study/experiment with the taping. I'm excited that the subject of my study is...me! (There's gonna be a great deal of excitement in this post...)
I have weird toes. They've been this way as long as I can remember. My big toes point outward instead of straight ahead. See?
The technical term for this is "hallux valgus," which I more commonly refer to as "crooked toes." I don't know if I inherited this trait, or if it's a combination of being a toe-walker and running around barefoot my whole life. (I can safely say it's certainly not from wearing too many tight pairs of high heels.) They don't really cause me any problems, except some occasional soreness after running longer distances. But I could eventually end up with painful bunions, which does not sound all that exciting to me.
Anyway, I'm going to see if Kinesio taping my toes for a length of time will correct and reverse the crookedness. The instructor of my course told about some women with this same condition who managed to change the bone structure of their toes after only two months of taping, which they evidenced by x-rays. I don't expect a complete correction of my toes, but I do wonder if I can permanently alter the valgus angle by a few degrees. Here comes the technical information:
11/21/11 - Starting Measurements
Left (L) metatarsophalangeal (MTP) joint: 35 degrees valgus
Right (R) metatarsophalangeal (MTP) joint: 30 degrees valgus
Taping Technique
Measurements After Taping
L MTP: 15 degrees valgus
R MTP: 20 degrees valgus
It just now dawned on me that this will be the most boring blog post some of you have ever read and that not everyone shares the same happiness over seeing my toes taped. I apologize. I'm posting anyway.
Anyway, if you happen to still be paying attention, you will have noticed that the tape decreased the valgus angle of both toes. Not enough to make them completely straight, but enough to make a significant difference in the joint alignment. I'm hoping that, over the course of a few months, my foot muscles will be retrained enough to hold my toes in a slightly better position and maybe even change the bone structure.
Enough geeking. I'll try to post an update every few weeks for your reading pleasure...or non-pleasure. Mostly it's just more fun to blog about it than to write up a boring research paper.
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