Never have I felt more alive than during this season of life. Never have I felt more free to love as I do right now. I tried to pinpoint the cause, to nail down the secret so that I never leave this place of joy and fullness I am finding in my Maker. I flip through one event and explanation after another in the file folders of my mind, only to realize that each one is connected to all the others, and none of them are the answer anyway. No, if anything, each one is a result. And I then come to realize that this is part of the season of right now. Sooner or later another season will descend, and there will be more lessons and joys and heartaches to behold along this journey called life. I wish that this season could last for always, but that is not the nature of seasons and that is not a bad thing. Each one is deemed necessary and useful by my Creator in order to carry on to completion the good work that He began (Phil 1:6).
I feel free to lavish the love of Christ on those around me. I am finding that the more of this love I pour out, the more I have to give. I cannot explain it, because the past has told me that the more I love, the more of me it takes until I fall exhausted and am unable to give of myself any longer. Sometimes there is love that requires great sacrifice and it is not always pleasant because it means putting to death the part of me that wants only for myself. I am sure this sacrificial love will come around again in another season. But for now, He is leading me to rest and enjoy the beauty of His green pastures and still waters as I bask contentedly in the sunlight of His love and pleasure. He fills me to overflowing, and I am able to wrap the people around me in the extensions of His arms. He overwhelms me with compassion for the broken and the hurting, including those crushed in heart, and my sweet patient whose intense pain He has chosen to let linger a while longer. My insides ache for these precious ones, and so I pray for them, for their healing and for their hearts to find fullness in Him. I long to reflect His glory in a way that leaves no doubt of His great love and grace.
Grace. So beautiful. So undeserved. That is why it is beautiful, because I don't deserve it, yet He hands it to me by the oceanful. He is grace, and He cannot be anything less, just as He is love and cannot love me or you any more or less than He does in this very moment. He delights and pursues and finds pleasure in each one of us, and He will stop at nothing to win our hearts. I am also discovering that as I love and lavish and open my heart to receive the love of others, His greater love story is in full swing and I am actually falling more in love with Him. He draws me and loves me because He delights in me, and this brings Him pleasure and glory. Oh, for grace to love Him more!
