Saturday, February 19, 2011

Disappointment in Obedience

I thought I did really where are the results?  I worked really hard to shift my focus, rely on His power, and practice self-control.  For two weeks now I've been at it.  But according to the scale, nothing seems to have paid off.

I shared in a previous post that I'm on a journey to lose weight.  Forty pounds, to be exact.  And not just to lose it (because I've lost and gained it many times over), but to keep it off.  For good.

This is a subject that I prefer to avoid and address quietly, on my own.  It's one of those things that if I don't point out or draw attention to, then no one will notice.  Or so I pretend.  But here is where I blog my thoughts and lessons and ponderings, and this is where my life is at right now.

I had a successful January of counting points and ended up losing five pounds.  But from the get-go, I've been hesitant to launch back into my standard diet routine because it's never lasted.  There's something deeper that needs to be addressed besides simply limiting my food intake.  So I started reading Made To Crave by Lysa Terkhurst and embarked on a new journey, this time with my focus on obedience to God, practicing self-control, and living/eating in the healthy way God intended for each of His creations.  For the past two weeks, I've ditched the points and prayed to God for strength and His power to make good decisions.  I've been successful, and it's been empowering.  I've avoided the bottomless pit of Girl Scout cookies that sit next to my desk at work, chosen to eat fruit over chocolate, taken smaller portions in the cafeteria lunch line, and yesterday (my greatest achievement yet) passed up multiple plates of pizza at the Pizza Hut lunch buffet in exchange for a healthier salad bar plate, one slice of pizza, and two small bread sticks.  Still not the ideal lunch...but it was a triumph for me and it felt great.

So when it came time for my weekly weigh-in this morning, I was excited to step on the scale.  Excited, as in I had been anticipating this moment for a couple of days.  Excitement that was quickly dashed to pieces as the scale told me I had gained two pounds.  After seven weeks (minus a week of vacation from my diet) of hard work, my net loss is three pounds.


Crushed.  Disappointed.  Things like that surrounded me and I pointed out to God that I had been obedient.  I had refrained from naughty food and deprived myself of many treats.  I thought He had been pleased with me.  Why, then, didn't I lose?

I have managed today to continue to make good choices, though my emotions would much rather throw me into despair and have me "take a day off."  I'm trying to remember that obedience is more important than results.  I may have slipped up a few times, but I am satisfied that I did a good job and believe God is pleased.  Part of this journey is to find peace with my body, and I am obviously not there yet.  But it's only been two weeks.  And I have to remember that I was up a couple of pounds this time last month as well.  So maybe it's the timing.  Maybe it's simply water weight, caused by the diet soda I drank yesterday or the antibiotics I've been taking this week.  I am trying to remain hopeful.

Regardless of today's results, my job is to keep on, to remain obedient and self-controlled, seeking His power and promises and truths.  The journey is what gets me to the destination.


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