My Non-Resolutions

It's the first day of a new year, and this is the post where I'm supposed to write about my resolutions for the year, what 2010 meant to me, what my hopes and dreams are for the next twelve months...but I can't say I'm really into all that.  At least not at this moment in time.

But I do like writing today's date:  1/1/11.

That's only the second time today I've had reason to do that.

1/1/11

Third.

I've long since given up on making New Year's resolutions.  I find them to be a little silly.  However, I do have two sort of looming clouds over my head right now, and I'm hoping to do something with/about them in the days and months to come.

This first one actually tops everyone's resolution charts:  I need to lose weight.  Again.  And it just so happens that I'm going to tackle that at the start of a new year.  Not because it's a resolution.  More because once Thanksgiving arrived, there was really no point in even trying to diet until all the holidays were over.  So today I started mapping out my plan, and having to face this reality has been a bit discouraging in many ways.  But I'm glad to be doing something about it, because that means things are only going to get better from here.

Right?

I've made it a long-term process.  I've dieted many times in the past, and I like to shed many pounds in as few weeks as possible.  The problem I have, however, is keeping it off.  So this time I'm going to practice patience and take a little more time finding my skinny jeans.  I'm hoping that if I take a little longer to lose the weight, my body will adjust better and not feel the need to hoard away every single calorie once the diet is over.  That...and making a better effort at lasting lifestyle changes.  My goal:  lose forty pounds in the next eight months.  Believe me, I have plenty more than that I could get rid of.  But I think this is quite reasonable.  And now that I've broadcast it to the whole world, maybe that extra accountability will help.

The other thing hounding me stemmed from a conversation I had with a friend last week.  She challenged me to see what direction God might be leading me in life by paying attention to the things that "ring my bell."  In other words, figure out what things really strike a cord in my heart and mind, what things get me fired up and excited and passionate.  I've been trying to ponder this to see where it goes.

Problem is, it took me all of ten minutes to reach a final vision, and now I'm having a hard time backing up and figuring out if I did that on my own, or if God did it in me.  I know a small handful of things that I feel passionately about.  (And by passionate, I mean it in the truest sense of the word; not the casual "I have a passion for that" that seems to be thrown around a lot these days.)  So I took these few things and started putting pieces together and wound up with a grand design.

I'm not sure what to do with it now.  It's huge, more than I'll ever be able to accomplish by my own energy or money or power or resolve.  So for now, I'm just waiting.  And learning.  Because I need to be prepared.  And I'm asking God to open my mind enough to allow me to start over and think things through again.  Because sometimes I get my ideas confused with His.  And I really don't need to be wasting time with stuff that will only end up distracting me from the real picture He's trying to show me.

Anyway, I wait and wonder.  I want answers now.  I want to know for sure right now.  If nothing else, I just want to know that I'm on the right track.  But in my immediate-do-it-right-this-second lifestyle, I recognize that God doesn't work on that timetable.  I'm not very good with working at His pace.  But I'd like to think I'm trying.  So we'll see what happens.