Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Apple Red Control

Since February it has plagued me. It has lurked around every corner of my mind, waiting for me to walk near enough so it can jump out and knock me to the ground. It has followed me everywhere I go - to work, to the gym, to the store, to the kitchen for breakfast. It managed to slip itself into a large chunk of my thought life. It caused me to change the way I exercise and the way I eat.

It controlled me.

A thing meant for beauty and celebration, yet it dominated my very being.

Resting behind plastic on its hanger in my closet, it looked harmless enough, this apple red bridesmaid dress. But for six months or more, my life revolved around fitting into this dress.

At the time I tried it on, I was between sizes. So naturally (but not smartly), I went with the smaller size. I had plans to drop a few pounds anyway, and having this dress in the smaller size would keep me motivated to stick to my diet.

Eventually, I reached a point where the dress fit perfectly. I was ecstatic. It fit good and I felt good (which is really a huge achievement for me, especially when wearing fancy dresses).

Only a couple of problems. One was that I was returning to my normal diet pattern. The other was that the wedding was still three months off.

After a month, I was back on my diet in a desperate attempt to get the dress to fit good again. (It would still zip. I just couldn't breathe.) For the next two months until the wedding I agonized and tried my hardest to make it work for me again.

What other things in my life control me in this way? What habits or tendencies or desires do I mold my daily life around for the mere sake of momentary satisfaction?

Or...what would my life look like if I let God have that kind of control in my life? What if He was the reason I work and exercise and eat and live the way I do? What would it look like if I let Him own all of me?

By the way, the dress fit. On the day of the wedding I could breathe and sit down without worry.

And now that the wedding is past, the freedom of a dress-free life is a wonderful thing.

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