Here

It's been a few weeks since I've posted, the longest I've gone without writing since this blog was conceived a year ago.  I've wanted to write, but like everything else lately, it just hasn't been there.

I'd like to come back with a post full of life and energy, of quality thoughts and wisdom.  But instead, I come feeling only a little lost, and with a weariness that runs bone-deep.

Life is a marathon race these days, and if I don't keep up I'm going to get trampled.  I desire time to rest, time to kick back and relax, to take in and enjoy these long summer days that stay lit late into the night.  But I've barely recognized it's summer.  I certainly didn't notice when springtime came and went.  My mind is months behind the calendar, but time waits for no one.  And now the days are getting shorter, and I fear I will miss summer altogther.

Gone are the days of sleeping in, of sitting in the hot summer sun, of lazing around and playing outside until the fireflies light up the dark.  That season is past, one I don't think I will ever be able to recapture.

These are days of rising before the sun, running hard all day long, and collapsing in bed before the neighborhood children are even called inside for the night, before the sun has slipped past the horizon.

I had a Mission once.  Not that long ago.  It's still there, somewhere.  But these days I can't see it, can't remember what it looks or feels like.  The fire that once moved me now seems like nothing more than burnt coals, cool and gray and ashy.

I want more time to slow down and enjoy.  I want to give less time to work and driving.  I don't like things right now, but I have no dreams or vision for something better.  Right now, I simply exist.

I think I asked for this.  Times were bad, and then times were good, and that's when I forgot to depend on Him for my strength.  I liked the good, but I missed my fellowship with Him.  And I told Him that.  I said I'd rather have Him than good times without.

And here I am.  Prayer answered?  I think probably.