"I Can't Do It"

I've narrowed it down to either a full moon or the changing of seasons. Whichever it was, last week it caused people to behave badly. Badly, as in weird, inappropriate, and unnecessary.

I had quite an encounter with one of my nursing home residents on Tuesday. She behaved very badly.

She's been quite the challenge for everyone in general and has "behaviors," as they call it professionally. Basically she doesn't want to do anything for herself.

I'll leave out the details, but Tuesday's treatment boiled down to a battle to see who was more stubborn - her or myself.

I'm not sure who won. I think it was a draw.

Our session ended in a tantrum (her, not me) with her sitting herself down and laying on the bathroom floor. (No, I did not drop her, and no, she was not injured.) This was her way of getting out of doing the work.

Each time I think about her, all I can do is shake my head. It blows my mind how she can possibly think her actions are justified and worth repeating over and over. Now the stubbornnes I understand fully, because I am. But my stubborn actions are appropriate. At least I'm reasonable about when I choose to hold my ground.

...aren't I?

After spending the week recapping the highlights of Tuesday morning, I had a horrible realization. God so gently whispered words to my heart that hit me like a hard punch to the gut. Knocked the wind out of me a little.

How many times do I say "I can't" and lay down on the floor to pretend like I didn't hear His voice?

The Father knows what's best, and my life belongs to Him. When He tells me to do something, it's for reasons that are good. I can trust that the task He gives me is not too difficult, for I can do all things through Him.

But sometimes I don't want to do the work. I don't want to do something that's hard, something that's uncomfortable and challenging. All I can see is the task in front of me and I forget to look ahead to the results He has promised.

I tell Him I can't do it. I quickly change the subject to try to distract Him...or maybe me...so He doesn't have a chance to finish the sentence. Because if I can't hear it, surely He didn't say it. I roll over and close my eyes, convincing myself that if I can't see it, it's not really there.

I don't like knowing that I behave the exact same way as this resident.

I am humbled and thankful that His patience and grace extends much farther than mine.