Trust Me.
I went to bed early last night after feeling pretty crummy all day. I slept fairly well, woke up feeling well, and proceded about my very rushed morning routine.
By the time I finished my shower (about ten minutes into the thirty minute process), icky feelings were starting to return. Maybe I was just hungry and needed some food in my belly.
But breakfast didn't want to have much to do with fixing the problem and lasted only a few bites. I sat down for just a couple minutes (the first morning in months I've gotten out of bed early enough to have this luxury) and debated calling in sick to work. I just did not feel well. And I certainly did not feel like spending the next 50 miles in my car.
God, what should I do?
Go to work.
Ugh, really? I don't know if I can do this today.
Trust Me.
I spent the next 50 miles pondering this in my half-functioning mental state. Maybe this made sense. Maybe I was going to collapse later from some unknown complication and would get the help I need since I'd be working right in the hospital. Maybe the doctor who worked on me would be able to identify an unknown ailment that would otherwise be missed. Maybe...(take note: instead of wandering close to home, my mind travels to all kinds of exotic lands)
Or maybe...
Maybe I heard wrong.
But by mid-morning I was feeling almost completely normal again. I finished out the day with a nearly-full appetite, no headache, no need for further swigs of antacid, and in a good mood.
God was right. Going to work was the right thing to do.
But it opened a door to all new questions for me.
How much do I really trust God? I thought I trusted Him...but do I really?
If I don't trust Him, what does trust look like?
Am I a control freak?
Could I really trust God with anything? The big things in life are easy. But what about the small everyday things?
How do I silence myself long enough to hear what He's asking me to do in the first place?
How often to I miss my chance to trust by deciding to do what makes sense?
Some parts of trust I get. But others I'm finding are not so much within my grasp. And there lies the irony - trusting means it's out of my grasp.
2 comments:
Oh how I struggle with this too!
You did the right thing and pushing through it and following His lead!
Blessings to you in the New Year! I will be praying for you and the S.S class you will be leading! :)
Thanks, Julie! I probably don't even realize how much I struggle with this. Usually I don't stop long enough to listen to know what He wants me to do in the first place. Thanks for the prayers!!
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